My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
