Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
