Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize