my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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