I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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