I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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