I CAN MOONWALK!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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