I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
