im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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