Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
