There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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