Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
