I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
