i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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