apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
