he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize