so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
