I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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