he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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