at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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