but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
