then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
