he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
