hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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