There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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