I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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