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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering

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• (941): View more from Florida

  she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yep.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.

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• (951): View more from California

  I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.

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