hotel room ftw
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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