She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
