I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
