Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
