I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
