Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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