Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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