cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
