i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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