She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
