I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
