i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
