I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
