im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
