Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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