awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
