mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
