Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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