Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
