I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
