i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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