We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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