We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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