I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
