I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
