Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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