dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
