dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
pop tarts are not kleenex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
