That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
