Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
