I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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