Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
worst night to have a conscience
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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