apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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