I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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