So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
