And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
