dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
