Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
