wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
