he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize