I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
