Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
