Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
