so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
