and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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