i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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