Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize