I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
