Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
