Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
