I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
