At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
