The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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