Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
