Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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