i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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