I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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