i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
