you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
