He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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