Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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